rogue_america | Finding You

Entry tags:

verse } soulmates

Finding You

I know forever don't exist
But after this life, I'll find you in the next
So when I say "forever," it's the goddamn truth
I'll keep finding you...

Aliens. Of all the things that could have gone wrong on her first solo business trip for the school, somehow aliens hadn't really made the list of possibilities. Breaking a shoe on the way to the donor's office, her car breaking down on the way into the city, getting food poisoning from bad sushi — the list went on and on, but aliens had never really occurred to her. Staring up at the giant armored worm thing flying above the street a few blocks down, she realizes that apparently it should have.

It takes time for her to fight the crowds fleeing the epicenter of the attack, each second feeling like an hour, and then she's faced with one of those creatures, its weapon pointing straight at her—

Reflexes honed by years of training sessions in the Danger Room have her dropping just in time, the car behind her taking the brunt of the impact with a metallic screech, and then she's back on her feet, a short metal stick in her hand expanding to a full-length staff. She wastes no time in swinging it at her enemy with practiced force, focused on damaging that armor enough to get hold of its weapon. Once she has it, she should be able to take them out much more efficiently.

It's a good thing everyone is more focused on the alien invasion than the woman with the weird hair trying to play ninja in a business suit.

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It's like punching Logan, a numbness spreading through her fingers for a moment because of the impact. Shit. She can't fight her way out of this, but with her mutation... No, no, she doesn't want him in her head.

"You don't want me and I sure as hell don't want you, so just let go of me." She's still angry, but the amount of desperation in those last words surpasses his own. Panic is knocking at her door and she's trying so hard not to let it through.

There's still so much anger, but hearing her words, and the emotions underneath them, turns it all toward himself. Steve jerks back again; this time he feels the slap, even if it's only verbal. His fingers loosen, and let go of her arm. "You don't know me," he tells her lowly, "so don't tell me what I want. But since it's crystal clear you don't give a damn anyway..."

He takes a step back, and then another, his eyes not leaving her face until he suddenly spins around. Yanking off his gloves and shoving them in his waistband, he scrubs his hands through his hair, making dust and grit poof out like an unholy halo. The tears that have been clogging his throat for the last several minutes, that he's been ignoring, finally start leaking, but he dashes a quick, careless hand over his cheeks, smearing them into the grime and blood already coating his face.

On the off-chance the woman - not-his-Marie - is still there, he says without turning around, "Sorry for inconveniencing you by trying to find one solid thing in this godforsaken world I could hold on to. Won't happen again."

There's a car tipped on its side a few strides over, and Steve decides fuck it. After the day he's had, nobody's going to judge him for sitting down for a few minutes and wallowing in grief, so that's exactly what he does. He hunkers down where the car's hood curves into the windshield, drawing his legs up and resting his head back against metal. And if a few more tears leak from beneath his closed lids... Well. Hard to see it with everything else dirtying his face. And he just doesn't have the energy to care, anymore.

For not the first time in her life, Rogue finds that she's let her temper get the best of her. Unable to see anything beyond her own confusion and distress, she hadn't cared if her words might hurt the other man, though if she'd taken the time to think about it, she still might have assumed that he would be just fine with neither of them being in the others life. His every action toward her has been hostile or defensive, so how the hell was she supposed to know...

But she should have, she tells herself as she watches him walk away, the anger rushing out of her like air from a balloon. And while the temptation is there to turn away herself, to leave him and this whole mess behind— she can't. That isn't who she is; it's physically impossible for her to leave someone behind who needs help. So, after a moment of cursing at the entire universe with such colorful turns of phrase that even Logan's brows might raise, she walks over to this Steve she's never seen before in her life and slides down to sit on the ground beside him.

"I'm sorry."

Steve keeps his eyes closed, but heaves a sigh at her words. "I'm sorry, too." The amount of weariness in his words is telling; here is a man who doesn't have it in him to fight anymore. Not at the moment, anyway.

"Have you ever met someone and just known, right away, that they were going to be in your life forever? That no matter what you did, no matter what happened, they'd stay by your side? Nothin' and nobody could tear you apart."

Reaching up to scrub at his hair again in a restless gesture, he finishes with swiping over his cheeks again. He's not ashamed of crying, but knows that he's not a pretty or graceful cryer. Lord knows what she thinks of him right now. But he wants her to understand, at least a part of it. Even if she gets up and walks away after this, she needs to know.

Maybe the idea of soulmates has changed over the many years, but Steve still wholeheartedly believes that, with your soulmate at least, there's nothing you can't share.

"I had that. Since I was barely a kid, I had that. And then... I had two soulmates. I met Marie when I wasn't quite 20. And everything was..." he huffs out a laugh. "Well, not amazing, actually. My life was pretty shitty at the time-- pardon my language. But it was getting better. Even when we went to war, I figured...

"I was gonna ask her to marry me," he murmurs, staring into the distance. "One'a those things you think, ya know? 'When this is over...' But I was. And I know she would'a said yes. But then Bucky d--died... and a month later, I might as well've died, and... I don't know what happened to her." He starts to turn his head toward her, but then squeezes his eyes shut in a grimace.

Because it's pretty damn obvious what happened to her, isn't it? With the spitting image of Marie sitting beside him, he knows. Maybe not the when or how, but he knows she's dead, now. Grief washes over him again.

It breaks her heart to hear him speak, each syllable driving that pain further into her chest. Her compassion for others is as much her downfall now as ever, rendering her completely unable to even think about leaving this man behind as she'd so desperately wanted to do just moments earlier. Especially because she's never had anything like what he's describing; she can't even imagine what that would be like. And then to lose it, to lose two people...

She reaches out to set a gloved hand on his arm, tentatively, ready to pull away if he doesn't want her there. Even if she doesn't understand everything about his situation, she can't just sit there and not do something.

"I'm so sorry," she says again, not knowing what else she can say. Is there anything anyone could say in the face of all this?

There's a long, slightly shaky inhale at the touch of her hand, but Steve doesn't shake her off. "Not y'r fault. Sorry I was..." A humorless smirk crosses his face for a second. "Well, sorry I was such an ass, earlier. You... you threw me for a loop. A big-damn loop."

His eyes cut toward her, though they didn't quite reach her face, and he reached up to gingerly cover her hand with his. "Thanks."

"It's okay. I didn't really expect you either," she comments quietly, trying to commiserate on the only front that they seem to share - being completely, disastrously surprised by the other. "Especially not on a day like this."

A day when the world as they knew it had tried to end.

That gets another huff of a laugh from him. He glances around - at the carnage and destruction, but also at the people helping each other. "I dunno," he murmurs. "Seems like this is a pretty good day for it. Hope... You always need hope, on a day like this."

He thinks back to when he met Bucky - when his father was still alive, and still knocking his ma around. And when he met Marie... "The day I met her," he says softly, as if imparting a great secret, "I was buying flowers for my mother. She was in the hospital. Dying. I don't think I could've done what I did, without Marie."

The other Marie, the one he'd lost. The one who had apparently changed his life for the better. The one he missed with his whole heart, who she looked like for some unknown reason. A feeling of dread curls into her stomach and she carefully pulls her hand back.

"I'm sorry that I'm not her." It's all she can think to say in the face of all this. What could she possibly offer him when this other woman did so much? She can't provide the same life-changing experiences, and once he knows more about her, she very much doubts that he'll even want her to try. She's a defective model and he'd finally struck out in the soulmate lottery.

He glances over when she pulls her hand away, confused at first - but the look on her face says enough. He may not know what's going through her head, but her words and that look tell him enough. Taking a slow, deep breath to help get his thoughts in order, Steve shakes his head. "I don't want you to be her." He raises a hand slightly in a 'stop; wait' gesture. "Yeah, when I first saw you, I thought-- I don't know what I thought, or wanted."

Licking his lips, he shakes his head. "Trust me. I know all about not being what people want, being a disappointment." He finally looks straight in her eyes. "You're not. I could pull out the 'soulmate' card, saying you could never disappoint me. That's not it. I don't judge people based on anybody else. Do you remind me of her? Absolutely. But a lotta that's because I don't know you yet. An' I haven't known a single person I was disappointed with." He shrugs jerkily. "Met, yeah. I've met some real assholes and losers. Just from what I've seen today, I know you're not one of them. You were out there fighting, and helping people who were scared,and lost."

One more deep breath; this is the hardest thing he's ever said, because it's not said in anger, but with compassion. "If you wanna walk away, never see me again... I understand. Trust me, you wouldn't be the first who wouldn't wanna bet on me. But I'm glad I met you. No matter what happens."

Where he means those words to be encouraging, to soothe her worries and sweep aside her doubts, all it does it make that ache in her stomach worse. He doesn't know what he's talking about and for one terrifying moment, she's afraid she might start crying. She doesn't, thank goodness, but in another moment it's just as hard to keep from shouting at him. Her mood fluctuates back and forth behind a well-controlled expression, years of practice at hiding what she's feeling making it far easier than it should be.

"I appreciate you sayin' all that, I really do," she assures him, making sure her tone can't be interpreted as dismissive. "But I'm a mutant, sugar, your whole life will be a hell of a lot better without me in it. That's just a fact with the way the world is right now, and it's not getting better anytime soon."

A mutant. He... has no idea what that means. And some of his confusion probably shows on his face; he works his jaw back and forth for a second, mulling over how to respond.

Finally he just glances over at her, feeling a little helpless, and says, "I don't know what that means. I'm kinda behind the times still."

...what.

How can he not know. The idea can't even process properly in her mind, it's so incomprehensible that someone could not know about them. But he's not lying, she can see that clearly.

Opening her mouth to respond, she jumps instead as her pocket buzzes suddenly. The phone she extracts from the inside jacket pocket has a cracked screen thanks to one punch or another, but the display is still readable, a line of text that she reads quickly before tapping it away.

"I have to go," she explains, an air of apology in the words. "My team will be here soon."

Reaching back into the pocket, she pulls out a business card with a bent corner and holds it out to him. "Do some research. If, after that, you still wanna talk - this is how to reach me." Her name is written there on one side, Rogue with a phone number below it, and on the other side a stylized X. "But I won't blame you if you don't."

Team. She's got a team?

...shit, his team! They're probably still waiting for him in the Tower. Steve takes the card, eyes a little wide as he internally panics a little, wondering just how long he's been sitting here wallowing in his own problems, ignoring his teammates. Tony's probably throwing a bitch-fit by now.

Looking at the card, his eyes soften a little, his thumb brushing lightly over the word Rogue. His gaze flicks back to her face, her hair. She may be Marie - different life experiences, different person, but essentially Marie all over again - but Rogue fits her perfectly.

There are a hundred, a thousand things he wants to say to her. None of them seem right, so he just gives a nod of his head, and settles on, "Thank you."

"See ya around, sugar."

She gives him a smile, perhaps the first since they've met (certainly the first real one), then hauls herself up off the ground. Her wounded leg is favored with practice and she doesn't give him the chance to even think about offering her help before she's upright and heading off down the street.

Halfway down the block her phone is out again as she gives a damage report and suggestions of where to begin helping with search and rescue operations. Hopefully the police don't fight them this time; they just want to help.

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Finding You

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