on_ur_left: ([av] disappointed)
Steve Rogers ([personal profile] on_ur_left) wrote in [community profile] rogue_america2016-12-16 09:22 pm
Entry tags:

First Christmas

Glancing back to make sure Rogue was still in the bathroom around the corner, Steve stopped fiddling with his tie, and went over to his closet. Keeping one ear trained on the quiet sounds of Rogue moving around, he ducked down and pulled out his portfolio bag. Along with the shield he always stored in there, underneath the shield was a wide, fairly flat box that he pulled out. He flipped the lid open to make sure nothing was tangled, reaching out with a finger to delicately rearrange a few pieces, before snapping the lid shut.

Taking a deep breath, he repeated to himself that he could do this. Giving a gift had never been so nerve-wracking, honestly; he hoped Rogue liked it. She'd probably accuse him of spoiling her, especially once he explained that this wasn't his actual Christmas gift to her. But he'd seen it in the window of a little indie clothing store a few blocks away, and had immediately known it would look stunning on Rogue.

Right. Okay. Time to do this. Straightening up and shoving the bag back in the closet with one foot, he passed a hand over his suit and slacks to get rid of any wrinkles from crouching, before moving toward the bathroom.
theycalledmeacurse: (emotional)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-12 04:11 am (UTC)(link)
It was good that he didn't touch her. In the confusion and stress of the moment, she would have pulled away from him again, and that would have caused so many more problems than they were currently facing. Problems that she could see piling up ever higher with each word he spoke.

The memories weren't enough to explain to her what was happening, but the Steve now nestled in her mind did a pretty good job of giving her the Reader's Digest version. A brief glimpse of a brutal man, fear of Steve's own temper, a promise that he would never hurt her-- She moved forward then, careful of the glass but needing to circle her arms around his neck so she could be close to him.

"I'm not going anywhere," she assured him softly, making sure to keep her hands closed so she didn't get blood on him. "You didn't hurt me, sugar. I know you'd never hurt me."
theycalledmeacurse: (distressed)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-12 04:35 am (UTC)(link)
Why did this keep happening to them? Why couldn't they be whole and happy and make it through a holiday without one of them breaking down because of their past and their insecurities? Would they ever get to that point, or would they always be fighting their demons?

Rogue felt tears slide down her cheeks as she listened to those broken words, and she wished that she could stroke his hair, rub circles over his back, something. But instead, she just held onto him tightly, trying to convey in that embrace that she wasn't letting go until he was good and ready for her to.
theycalledmeacurse: (southern beauty)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-12 05:48 am (UTC)(link)
It was an accident, this whole situation was caused by one thing sparking another, and neither of them were fully to blame for it. She would argue that point for hours if that's what it took, but she sure hoped it didn't come to that. She didn't have the energy to argue with him for that long.

Nodding slightly, she uncurled her hands to let him see the drying blood that covered new skin. None of the cuts had been that bad to begin with, but it all looked far worse than it was. She was still careful not to get any of it on him, though, because even if he didn't mind, she didn't need an image of him all bloody in her head. It was too much like Remy and she had enough nightmares reliving that horrible day, she didn't need for her mind to start substituting Steve in there.

"I'm okay, sugar, really. Are you?" It was a hesitant, frightened question, because while he did look alright, she was terrified of hurting him with her power.
theycalledmeacurse: (shadows)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-13 05:13 am (UTC)(link)
This wasn't going well. Of course it wasn't, but it was getting worse by the second. She could see it in Steve's expression, hear it in his voice. She had to do something or this was just going to keep spiraling and--

"Okay," she murmured, turning to carefully make her way out of the kitchen and down the hall to the bathroom. Halfway there, though, she paused and glanced over at Steve. "We need to talk, sugar. Please."
theycalledmeacurse: (calculating)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-13 06:38 am (UTC)(link)
Bad move, Rogue. Of all the phrases she could have used, she had to go with that? Usually that was a death sentence for relationships, and that wasn't at all what she was intending. The realization that that was probably what he was thinking made her feel sick.

"Steve, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant," she said quickly, letting him guide her but still looking back at him. "I don't want-- We're not-- We're okay, sugar, we just need to talk about all of this. I promise, I'm not running." She couldn't deny that the the thought had crossed her mind earlier in that initial panic, but she had moved past that and there would be no running. Not now. Not this time.
theycalledmeacurse: (tan beauty)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-13 07:04 am (UTC)(link)
Better now than later, when it would be more painful. How accurate that was for this moment, in so many ways. Exhaustion was beginning to wear at her from a combination of too little sleep and too much adrenaline spent, and she guessed that the sun was up by now. It was Christmas, not at all the day for any of this, but it was better now than later.

Turning on the water, she waited a few seconds for it to warm up before holding a palm under the slow, steady stream. The dried blood would be easier to remove if she let it soak up the water first, and there was antibacterial hand soap there next to the faucet for when the water had washed away all but the most stubborn bits.

"I don't know that I know where to start, there's so many things that need saying," she admitted quietly, her voice just above the sound of the running water. "That comment about moving in caught me off guard, and I'm sorry for reacting the way I did. I've thought about it before, I actually like the idea, but I was so afraid in that moment of what it could mean that I let that fear get the better of me."

She started working on the other hand, fingers moving carefully in case there was a bit of embedded glass like Steve had mentioned. "I know you would never just toss me aside and abandon me, I know that, but I'm still so scared at the thought of it. And I just had this terrifying worry of what I would do when you got tired of me if I lived here, because I wouldn't have anywhere to go."
theycalledmeacurse: (i'm sorry)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-13 07:51 am (UTC)(link)
Of course he'd been thinking about it. He was from a time where it was just a natural progression for a couple to move in together if they'd been in a relationship for a few steady months -- though that step would have been preceded by marriage. (And don't think she didn't catch that written between the lines of what he did and didn't say, it was just that somehow marriage wasn't as scary to her as moving in with him.)

"I completely understand all of that, sugar, really I do," she assured him, glancing over at him for brief moments while she carefully dried her hands. "And now that I'm thinking a bit more clearly, it's not so bad, but I still... I want to be with you, all the time. I want this to be my home so badly it hurts, because it's been an awfully long time since I had one that really felt like it. But I'm all sorts of broken when it comes to these things, sugar, and I'm so sorry for that."
theycalledmeacurse: (shadows)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-14 03:31 pm (UTC)(link)
It had been a while since she'd heard him give one of his speeches like this, probably because it had been a while since she'd needed one. Back in those early days, she'd been scared and skeptical, wanting to throw herself all-in to this relationship but worried that it wouldn't be everything it seemed. It had been wonderful, though, Steve had been wonderful and kind and understanding and funny... and she'd been able to move away from her doubts. Just not permanently, it seemed.

"I'm glad I'm stuck with you," she assured him with a faint smile in return. "Because I am choosing you. If you still want me to live here with you after all this, then I want that too. I just... I need you to understand why I'm so exasperating when it comes to these things." Oh yes, she'd noticed his reaction.

Holding her hands out to him palm-up, she instructed, "Have a look, then I want to go sit down. I need to tell you about my Mama Raven." It was a name she'd never spoken to him and had never planned to. Even now, the words were laced with pain.
theycalledmeacurse: (hello logan)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-15 06:49 am (UTC)(link)
Watching Steve's facial expressions, she could see that pause that meant he was thinking about something, and she had to wonder if he'd put together the pieces of how her power worked. Yes, she'd told him about it before, a number of times, but he'd never seen it. Even this was just a small display of what she was capable of, but it was this that would perhaps tell him the most about what her experiences had been like during the war.

"The bedroom," she replied just as softly, her nerves settling slightly at those sweet, tender kisses to her palms. "I don't wanna see the tree right now." They had lovely memories in that room with those decorations, she didn't want to taint them with the pain she was about to relive through sharing her past with him. Eventually one of them would need to clean up the kitchen, but it would keep. For now, they needed to talk about these things so they could move forward.
theycalledmeacurse: (angelic)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-15 08:18 am (UTC)(link)
Rogue climbed onto the bed, adjusting her pajamas as she curled her feet up under her. She watched Steve go to the windows and very nearly protested when she realized what he was about to do, but she knew that he'd made up his mind and wanted to do this for her benefit, regardless of how much he'd be bothered by the signs of winter beyond. So instead she waited for him for him to join her, staying close but not nestling in beside him as she usually would.

"I've told you before that I was given up when I was a baby," she began, reaching out to take one of his hands in hers. It was the only contact they had between them, but it was needed while she got everything out. "I was in and out of all sorts of foster homes that had a bunch of other kids -- I was just another paycheck. But then a woman named Raven Darkholme took me in and she was... She was the first mother I ever knew. The first person who ever made me feel like she was glad I was alive. She gave me my first birthday present, my first real Christmas with a tree and lights, she helped me with homework and read bedtime stories to me. She made me feel like I was loved."
theycalledmeacurse: (can't afford to be innocent)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-15 08:45 am (UTC)(link)
That little squeeze of support meant the world to her, and she tried to give him a grateful smile before continuing.

"I was with her for two years, and they were the best years I'd known up to that point. I thought--" Her voice broke a little, the pain still as strong as it had been all those years ago. "I thought she was going to adopt me. I really did. But then, one day she just left. I waited for her to pick me up at school, but a social worker came instead and told me that I was supposed to go with her. I cried and screamed and begged for my mama, and I didn't believe she wasn't coming back until the social worker took me to the house to get my things and none of her things were there."

Tears stung at her eyes, but she wiped them away with the back of her free hand. "I was adopted a few months later and I never heard from "Raven" again, at least not until I met her as "Mystique", a mutant who could change her form to look like anyone. She was Erik's right hand and helped him with everything-- Including the plan to kill me."
theycalledmeacurse: (listening)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-15 09:16 am (UTC)(link)
There was more to that story, details that made it so much worse, but they could wait for another time. He didn't need to know all of those terrible things yet, or see the hatred she had for the woman she'd once loved as a mother. No, that could all come later.

She welcomed it when Steve pulled her against him, nestling in and taking comfort as he readily offered it. It took effort not to bristle at the comment that she wasn't a child anymore, but she knew that he hadn't meant it like that. At his question, she just shook her head.
theycalledmeacurse: (ap4)

[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse 2017-01-16 01:37 am (UTC)(link)
Rogue listened to the story, remembering the videos and photographs she'd seen of those early days of his Captain America career. It had been so long ago, but for him it wasn't that long at all. She still couldn't begin to imagine what that was like for him. But while he thought the whole thing was silly, she knew that it had had an a lasting effect on the American people, whether he saw that or not.

Her hands held onto him, tightening as he spoke of his refusal to accept the decision to leave Bucky and all those men in enemy hands. It was so like Steve, a perfect example of his stubbornness and refusal to give up. It was something she loved him for, and she understood why he'd shared the story with her.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" she mused softly, lifting her head to look at him. "I love you, sugar. So much. Thank you for sharing that with me." She moved to lean up to kiss him, but had to turn her head to yawn widely.

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[personal profile] theycalledmeacurse - 2017-01-16 02:03 (UTC) - Expand